i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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