I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
