it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
