Will you blow on my dice?
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
