People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
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You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
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Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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