Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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