That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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