yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
