life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Boobs are out for the taking
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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