I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize
