If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
