Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Randomize
