census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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