You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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