you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
