have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
And the cops told us we were all naked.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
