I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I touched a dick in church today
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
