This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Randomize
