i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
