whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I wish I only lived at night.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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