it wasn't lemon gatorade
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
