I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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