I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
