He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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