Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I think my fart just growled at me.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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