In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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