This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
