My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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