i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Let the clothes fall where they may.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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