thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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