wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
