This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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