He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
