He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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