There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
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gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
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You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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