I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
