Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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