Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
