my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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