I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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