alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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