so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
