I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
