I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
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I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
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Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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