1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
