Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
