yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
