So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
