My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
