I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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