yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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