No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
