I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
