I skipped work to stalk him.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
