Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
