Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
