Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
