I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
birth control should be required to get into college
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
